In addition to not being “unfortunate” because i’m variously disabled, i’m also not incapable of fucking things up, of taking critiques, of being called out, of existing in an uncomfortable place. Disabled adults are so often seen and treated the way some people treat children -ways i think are not ok to treat children either, disabled or not:
- as though we have no sense of right and wrong or nuance;
- as though we can’t handle the truth;
- as though we can’t learn;
- as though we’re such sensitive breakable delicate and hideous creatures that it’s too hard to be real with us;
- as though if you crouch down to our level and speak slowly or pat us on the head (literally or figuratively) or make your statements “simpler”, that that’s our comfort zone. For some disabled folks, that works for them. We’re so different! Imagine that! But the *automatic assumption* is so often that we can’t handle information, can’t have someone be pissed off at us, and can’t be held responsible for our actions, our privileges, and our words.
This is — just to be clear — bullshit.
i promise that as a variously disabled person can and do handle it. i can have conversations that are hard; can look at or be shown or be called out on how i may be enacting shitty behaviour; can have conversations about how i may be taking up space; about how my white and other privileges definitely impact how i move this disabled body through the world; i can be held accountable for my bullshit, and i won’t, actually, be broken by it. And if i feel broken by it, well i can handle that too.
It’s not ableist to call disabled folks on our shit. It’s ableist not to (i don’t mean if someone doesn’t call me out that that’s ableist; i mean that it’s ableist if someone doesn’t call me out specifically because of their ideas about how disabled people apparently can or cant handle that shit).
i’ve never shied away from difficult conversations, fierce resistance, unpleasant embarrassing realizations/realities, or personal examination in a broader context. If other things stop you, i totally respect that, but please don’t allow your fear of being seen as ableist to stop you from doing that with me. If you’re not disabled, you benefit from ableism, and that reality comes into any conversation we may have whether it’s hard stuff or not, that dynamic is there, it’s a real thing, as are any of the other dynamics we may have going on. i bring my whiteness into any space i go, my dude presentation, my non sex working, settler/colonizer self, my document-having realities, my smaller fatty reality, my english language, all of it and so much more than that. You being non-disabled and me being disabled (or you and i being differently disabled) means something, but it doesn’t make conversation or accountability or honesty or movement or much else impossible. Living as a disabled person, i’ve learned to handle a lot of shit. Believe me, i can take it. So let’s get on with it.