conclusions and movement in service of my heart and survival

This is a very uncomfortable conclusion i’ve been coming to:

Out of necessity (not through my own personal failing or fault, but necessity due to the creation and maintenance of ableism), i have been talking/working so long to/with non-disabled and able-bodied folks about how to treat me and other disabled folks with the barest respect, how to even just see us, how to make it easier for us to just barely get into their event just this one time, into their communities just this one time, into their lives just this one time, that in many ways i have come to believe that that is all i’m worthy of:

            the barest minimum, but just this one time.

And i want to tell you that i am fucking done. I AM DONE.

i am done with hope (fuck your ableist hope that’s so easy for you to spout and clearly too difficult for you to do anything about.)

i am done with silver linings (if one more non disabled person tells me that i should see the silver lining in all this ableist bullshit i am going to fucking implode because as a gimp that is ALL i see, every day, every time, because it is something we bent folk do very well, because so often that is all that ever materializes. Maybe if more people spent less time thinking about how disabled folks should be spinning your ableist bullshit, we’d be further along in this convo.

i am done asking for the barest minimum and being shit on for it.

i am done asking “friends” and “allies” to not repeat the same old ableist tropes time and time and time again only to have just the ASKING thrown in my face.

i am done feeling as though i have to cleave myself from the idea that gimp community is the most beautiful fucking thing, all on its own, or from the idea that there even is such a thing as gimp community.

i’m done.

So over the course of this next year i am going to focus (as much as i can within this ableist context through which i move) on something else. And i’m sad that this is even something i feel the need to actively work on getting back.

i am going to focus more on the connections i have with other gimps.

i am going to focus more on finding/ maintaining/creating community specifically and sometimes only with them.

i am going to work on not apologizing so much for asking and expecting “allies” to step the fuck up.

i am going to work more on expressing my love and commitment to my gimp friends and community.

i am going to spend more time reveling in the fucking gorgeousness we gimps create.

i am going to spend more time saying thank you and i love you and i see you and i want you in my life and “wherever you are is where i want to be” to my gimp friends.

i and we are so much more than your bare minimums.

Every.

Single.

Time.


…and i mean, it’s a process right? back and forth back and forth, but i just want to be more intentional with this. i need to be. If i am going to make it, i need to be. And i plan on making it. i want more of us to make it. <3

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